A Last-Minute Stocking Stuffer

Who doesn't love meet, especially at Christmas time. And if, for any reason, you can't actually have meat, what's the next best thing? To smell like meat! Now, thanks to the good people at Burger King, you can do exactly that! For some reason, the hamburger outlet is continuing its creepy big-headed king promotions by pushing a new body spray, which it calls Flame. Perhaps this is the scent of the king himself, flame-kissed meat patties with a hint of plastic. The site features a variety of images, but the most disturbing is undoubtedly the king lying (almost completely in the buff) in front of a fireplace on a bearskin rug with only a corner of his cape between us and his privates.

I suppose somebody out there might want to argue that despite what I might think, it's actually a very effective ad campaign--because, after all, here we are, talking about it. And it's a long-established cliche that the only bad publicity is no publicity. Who am I to argue that this isn't true? It strikes me, though, that any time I've heard anybody talk about the commercials, it's always in the context of how repulsive and strange they are. I don't know if anybody's stopped going to Burger King on their account, but it makes me less likely to go. The floor is open for anyone who's like to argue the plastic-head Burger King in the affirmative. And if that's the way you're swinging, don't forget to pick up your Flame body spray while supplies last!